To be honest, I had thought my "Happily Ever After" would include finding him too. Alive and well. Yet I don't even have a picture or a relative of his I can contact.
I was angry after my Birth Mother told me his response to my impending arrival, and I was deeply upset that I will never get to meet the man who contributed to my existence. I will never get to see what features or mannerisms (or health issues...) I have inherited. I will never get to hear his side of the story or what he's been doing. I will never get to hear his voice. I was angry at his choices in life...
Expecting a child can be a shock. Having a child is life-changing. You make choices the minute that bundle of joy comes out that affect an actual human beings life course... I don't know what kind of person he was when he passed, but I hope it was even a smidgen better than who he was as a teenager.
I don't have much to say about him, because there's not a lot I know. He will always be an enigma. Unfortunately he will always be a "deadbeat dad" in my eyes...
Being young doesn't change anything. My little bro was 19 when he became a father, and I have to say I am so proud of where he's come from, and the amazing, responsible man, and most importantly, Dad he's become. So to me age, doesn't give you a free pass...
One thing that I haven't talked much about is my own Papa. My 'Adopted Father' if you want to get all legalistic. I guess the main reason is because this journey has been about: "From Mother to Birth Mother", and to be uber honest, even though I've laid most of my cards on the table with this blog, I still want to keep the special stuff, private.
But I want to set the record straight. My Dad was with my Mama every step of the way in my adoption. If my Mama was the 'heart', he was the 'brains'. He orchestrated pretty much all of the technical and legal issues in order to bring me to New Zealand. Apparently it was no easy feat!
This isn't to say my Dad isn't a caring person at all. He has been an amazing Dad (Though like anyone, we have had our fair share of issues...) Throughout this journey he has given me so much encouragement and advice. From people's names he had dealt with at the Adoption Agency in New Zealand all the way to Hong Kong. Thank the Lord he has an elephant memory!
In fact he almost had a job in Hong Kong this January, in which he asked me to be his P.A - mostly so I could go over to meet my B-Ma. I hadn't mentioned it before as I felt it wasn't solely my business to disclose. But I guess, since that fell through it should be alright... Hopefully?! (Sorry Dad! Haha!)
So, here I am now thinking it's kind of okay not knowing my Birth Father, because I already have a pretty choice Papa. Some people in life don't even get that, so why should I be greedy and ask for seconds eh?!
Love you Dad. xo
ps. We have officially sent off our Passport Applications! Woohoo!!!
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